


Alien Barber of San Fran

by cortexikid



Series: Symbiote Cinema: Klyntar's Harshest Critic [1]
Category: Venom (Comics), Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: Eddie's just trying to shave in peace, M/M, Venom is having none of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 05:01:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16340273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cortexikid/pseuds/cortexikid
Summary: “Okay, Sweeney Todd. That’s enough,” he rasped as he felt the final swipe across his cheek.Scissor-Hand-Man?“Wrong movie, bud. But A for effort,” Eddie mused, grabbing a towel to dab at any excess foam.The movie with the monster. Outcast.Something that felt a lot like hurt was piercing Eddie’s chest as what was once a simple routine, was now turning into something else entirely.





	Alien Barber of San Fran

**Author's Note:**

> I am but a lowly Spideypool writer dipping her toe in the whirlwind that is Symbrock after a wonderful reader said I should give it a shot. Thanks again lovely! Thinking of making this a series. If it doesn’t suck. Who knows. Enjoy!

It was weird. This…dual-life thing.

 

Duel-body?

 

Duel-mind?

 

Fuck, duel-everything.

 

It made the day-to-day a hell of a lot more interesting though, that was for sure. For example, shaving.

 

“V—stop—just—I’m not going to hurt—let me—Jesus!”

 

Eddie Brock swerved as his unruly right hand jerked towards his face, sharp razor gripped tightly in his fist.

 

**_Why are you determined to stab your face, Eddie? Knives are for—_ **

****

“I’m not stabbing my face, Venom. It’s called _shaving_ , man.”

 

That drew the symbiote up short, forcing him to materialise from Eddie’s clavicle to regard him in the mirror, his milky eyes slits, full of suspicion.

 

**_Shaving?_ **

 

The feeling of Venom rifling through his memories like an avid comic-book-reader does at his favourite stand, was a sensation that Eddie was just about beginning to get used to. A particularly vivid memory of him sitting on a toilet seat, face tilted upwards, eyes closed as a blade gently scraped against his skin had him fighting a shiver. He always did love when Anne shaved his face.

 

**_We could do it for you._ **

 

Eddie’s left hand that had been gripping the sink, slipped a little, causing him to stumble and almost smack his face on the mirror. He needed an apartment with a bigger bathroom.

 

“You…you want to…shave me?”

 

Venom made a noise of affirmation. **_If you insist on needlessly removing your hair—it may as well be done by a steadier…hand._**

****

Eddie scoffed, “My hand is only shaky because you keep trying to stop me and nearly jabbing me in the eye!”

 

It took him a moment to reflect on the start of Venom’s sentence.

 

“Wait…‘needlessly’?” he asked, waving the razor at him, turning his head slightly to literally side-eye him, “I thought you said I look ‘scruffy.’”  

 

**_We were referring to clothing. Not facial hair._ **

****

“You don’t like my clothes now?! What wrong with my—”

 

He was cut off by a black tendril shooting out and wrapping itself around his wrist, stilling his hand. His breath hitched as he watched Venom protrude even further from his body, his face turning to meet Eddie directly, his mass manifesting along Eddie’s chest to give the illusion of sitting on the bathroom sink, between Eddie’s legs.

 

**_Give us the razor, Eddie._ **

****

It was easier to just stop arguing. He knew that. But Eddie Brock had always been a stubborn sonofabitch. That wasn’t gonna stop now that he had his very own case of demon possession.

 

**_Demon?!_ **

 

“Sorry. Parasite,” he teased, easing Venom’s spike of hurt by wordlessly handing over the razor.

 

All on his own volition.

 

Because he was clearly insane.

 

He would swear that the symbiote actually harrumphed as he snatched up the blade, but knew that nobody would believe what a touchy little shit his bodily-roommate was. The tendril broke from his wrist completely, now focussed on the task at hand.

 

“Shaving foam—SHAVING FOAM!” Eddie squawked as the sharp instrument came dangerously close to contact with his skin.

 

He would also swear that Venom rolled his eyes, but the action was so fast, he couldn’t be sure.

 

Another ink-blot-like tendril picked up the shaving foam and began dabbing it surprisingly gently onto his jaw, Venom’s disembodied head floating ever closer to him until barely an inch lay between them.

 

“So, you…you don’t mind it, then. The beard.”

 

He wasn’t sure why he didn’t quite voice it as a question, it barely above a murmur as the familiar scrape dragged down his skin.  

 

**_Light and heavy facial hair is considered attractive among human females._ **

****

“Yeah but you’re not female. Or human. Wait do you—is gender like—uh…”

 

That was a whole can of worms he wasn’t sure he wanted to open.

 

**_Anne enjoyed your beard. But she also liked…shaving it off._ **

****

Colour rose in Eddie’s cheeks as a myriad of images sprang forth in his mind’s eye. Anne shaving him. Anne running her hands down his stubbled cheeks, raking her nails along—nope, no. He wasn’t going there. Anne was with Dan now. He was happy for them. Anne and Dan. So good together they rhymed.

 

Still. It had been a while since he felt the touch of—and nope, he was not having these thoughts when an alien stood barely an inch from him brandishing a knife.

 

**_So, it is a knife!_ **

****

“Figure of speech—thought, V. Stop reading my mind and focus on my face.”

 

**_I’m always focussed on your face._ **

****

Well, then.

 

“Uh…”

 

He was saved from having to struggle to formulate a response as the razor-free tendril (shaped not unlike a hand,) gently pushed his face to a higher angle, barely half an inch between them now.  Eddie fought the urge to close his eyes, focussing on the feel of the blade and not—not anything else.

 

All in all, Venom made quick work of it.

 

Which was why it didn’t make sense that it felt like an eternity to Eddie as he hardly dared breathe.

 

“Okay, Sweeney Todd. That’s enough,” he rasped as he felt the final swipe across his cheek.

 

**_Scissor-Hand-Man?_ **

****

“Wrong movie, bud. But A for effort,” Eddie mused, grabbing a towel to dab at any excess foam.

****

**_The movie with the monster. Outcast._**

****

Something that felt a lot like hurt was piercing Eddie’s chest as what was once a simple routine, was now turning into something else entirely.

 

“Hey, don’t—it was just a dumb joke, V. You’re not—a demon barber or…or…anything else, okay? I just like old Depp movies. Not that Sweeney Todd is old or good. And Depp’s such an asshole now, so everything’s kinda tainted.”

 

**_Tom Hanks. Not asshole. We like Tom actors._**

****

“Have you—you’ve been binging movies while I sleep again, haven’t you?”

 

In lieu of a response, Venom merely assimilated back into Eddie’s skin, settling somewhere amongst his ribcage. He fought a chuckle.

 

“You, Sir, how about a shave?” Eddie mumbled to himself in a terrible English accent before grabbing up a small, blue bottle. “There’s just…one, more, thing.”

 

With a wince, he poured some aftershave into his palms, rubbing them together and smacking them onto his face, again, as always, remembering a young Macaulay Culkin screaming into the mirror.

 

“Hey, V? I’ve got another movie you might like…”

* * *

I used a mixture of film and comic characterisation for Venom. *shrug* Hopefully you guys liked it. Wrote this in like an hour, think I could have a lot of fun exploring these idiots--at length. But for now—back to [Spideypool](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3096005/chapters/6706820) :D

Come yell with me about these idiots on my [Tumblr](http://octoberobserver.tumblr.com)

 


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